Homework

     I strongly dislike homework, as most teenagers do. If a teacher says the work should take 10 minutes, it will probably take me 30. I prefer having teachers that check my homework, because if you know your teacher if going to check your homework, you are way more likely to do it. For me with most of my teachers as long as i try the work, and have completed most of it that are ok if i do not complete it all. Currently in school because it nearly christmas break i have about 10 assignments due and 3 tests in the next week. Obviously i will be unable to complete all the work, and i will have to have some of tests arranged to be completed after christmas break. Thankfully all my teachers use there email and allow me to submit assessments that way. Back on subject, currently i am focusing on my major assignments because they are worth like 30% of my grade and not my everyday homework.  I wish i had enough time to do it all but it is impossible for me. When i started high school i stressed myself out every night to complete my homework and hand in my assignments on time. I didn't watch tv or listen to music at all because i did not have enough time to. That did not work, by the end of my first year i wanted to drop out or be home schooled. Now i cut myself off, i do not allow myself to do all nighters because i just end up sleeping in class and getting nothing done the next day. I do what i can do, and i always try to do as much as possible. I have come to the realization that i cannot do everything and thats okay and there is no point in destroying myself so i can hand in a assignment on time. 

The Stupid Things People Say

You are so luckily to have a class that you do homework in?
Well there is a reason i take that class, its not like i just take it for fun. I usually hate the people in the class, and they usually dislike me. I am usually the only one that works, while everybody else just comments about how much they smoke, and comment about why i am working and trying. I only take it because i have LEARNING DISABILITIES.

You are so luckily to get extra time?
Again there is a reason why i get extra time. It takes to longer to write or type. It takes me longer to read, plus i usually highlight while i am reading. I have horrific memory. It takes me longer to under stand what i have read. Every thing takes me longer, even with extra time i do not always have time to proof read my work, plus i can't proof read my work because i will probably not pick up my mistakes.

Dyslexia, so you just read things backwards?
Like really, it is better to say nothing. I usually just respond; well it is more than that, is different in every person, for me i have trouble reading, i am at like a 5th grade level, i suck at spelling, on a good day 3rd grade, and i can write but it takes me forever and nobody can understand what i wrote unless i type it.

ADD, what is that, or don't boys usually have it?
So i say that ADD is the same as ADHD just i am not as hyper. And i say that girls go undiagnosed with ADD/ADHD because many of them are not hyper, and do not act as boys do. I will also use the example of how i used to forget and lose focus when i was getting dressed and forget to put my pants on and when i went downstairs my mum would have to remind me to put pants on.

Why don't you read aloud in class?
Because i can barely read to myself, just kidding, not really. On the first day of class i make my teacher aware of my LD's and ask them not to pick me out to read. I have became very self conscious of my reading aloud over time, i have some speech issues.

These are just some of the many silly/ stupid questions i have been asked, in reference to my learning issues.

ADD

      I have ADD. One effect of this on me is i an always twitching my leg or trapping my fingers; when i am in a large group it is fun to look around the room at who else it twitching and guess weather they have ADD/ADHD. I am medicated for ADD, i have always chose to be medicated, my parents always let me decide what was best for me. Once i began taking medication my life changed, i started to get good grades, school work was so much easier todo and it did not take as much time. I am affected by the common side effect of a decreased appetite and some trouble sleeping( i have always had trouble sleeping, unable to fall asleep, waking up early). One thing is i am 2 different people; there is medicated and unmediated me, my friends can tell when i am medicated. Once i am medicated i have become very sensitive to sound, when i hear somebody chewing there food i makes me want to punch them(i am not a violent person) the medication can also make me irritable. When i am unmedicated i cannot focus, i become a lot more jittery, i am louder, and i am more social. For me there are more pros than cons with the any of the meds i have tried, and i believe you should give children with add/adhd the choice to be medicated, but not to always force them. In the beginning me and my parents decided that i should not be medicated on weekends or during the summer, and i started and stayed on a very small dosage that lasted through school and gave time to do my homework. Being able to focus in school gave me the ability to chose what i actually liked to do not just hate everything because i could not focus on it.

Essays

     Although i am dyslexic and have a lot of trouble with writing i surprising do not hate doing essays. When it comes to my school work i am a perfectionist, which has its pros and cons. Essays are another way to prove to my teachers that i am smart, that i bring a different persecutive and new ideas to the table. I treat my essays as my children, they are a full time job, and once they are done i am very proud of them. For some reason i like to show that i have a large vocabulary, but because i cannot spell i have to use a thesaurus to find out how to spell it by looking up the simpler version of the word and finding it that way or asking somebody for help. I enjoy being able to express my views, and support them; i tend to go above and beyond on ensuring that my work is over the minimum amount required. I have my paper and pdf version of my essay organizer and fill then both out, it may take weeks and require multiple revisions but i have to do it, or else i would have no clue where to start. I have it on my IEP that my teachers cannot take off marks for my spelling and grammar mistakes, which is a true god sent for me.  The problem for me is that i overthink my work, i put way too much time into my organizer and thinking how to make it sound more intelligent. I should really just write a simple version for my rough version and elaborate on it after. I enjoy putting my thoughts together and it ending up being a six page essay. I feel an immense sense of joy and pride; especially when i do well. 

Thesaurus are my life

     I can not spell, but i have a large vocabulary. So i constantly use a thesaurus to find out the spellings of word. I do this by using searching up the basic version of a word and finding the more complex version of the word. My spelling is like a ten years olds, when i used to do spelling test i would usually get 2 out 20. I lied to my parents in grade 6 telling them i didn't do spelling tests because i hated telling them how i did. Because i type it has actually made my spelling better, because when spell check do not know what i am saying i learn how to spell the word right. Even through reading is hard i try to do it as much as possible because i want to expand my vocabulary. I have got it on my IEP that my teachers can not mark me down for my spelling and so they just focus on the content. I used to be self conscious of my spelling but now i do not care, if i need help spelling anything i just ask who ever if closet to me. Teachers now that i am smart, that care about if i have the idea and know the content. Once upon a time i tried using a dictionary but that just took to much time, and was especially hard when i didn't now the first letter of the word. Please leave comments of the words you/ someone you know always has trouble spelling.

The hardest basic words for me are/were

where and were
their and there
are and our
how and who
know and now- still one of the hardest for me
anything that ends in ought and tion 
taught, though, and thought
and the day of the week

ps i usually do not use contractions because i am scared i will spell them wrong, i have only recently started using them, it also makes all my texts look really formal

Resource Room x2

      This week i had to write a test in the resource room, and it went terribly. I needed silence because i have ADD but throughout the entire time i was writing there was teachers and students talking. They need to have more than one resource room, they need three, but that will never happen. They need a room just for tests, another for school work, and a third one for more disabled students. They was a kid who had more serve disabilities the entire time he was shouting, it wasn't his fault that my school does not a have proper facilities. He wasn't aware of how loud he was, but me and the other kid with ADD in my class kept exchanging frustrated looks. He needed a room where he had one on one help. There was also kids where teachers were reteaching lessons to kids, who were not aware of how loud they where. So i type my tests so my teachers can read it, but the keyboards in my school suck, they are so clunky and make so much sound, everybody can hear what i am typing. The resource room is meant to make it easier to do work, but it would have been easier for me to write it in class. It already takes so much energy and time(on average 2.5 hours) just to write a test i shouldn't have to waste my energy and time on trying to block out all the sounds.  

Binders

      I know this might sound odd and boring but i think it is really important to have a nice binder. For me when i have a nice binder i am more inclined to use it. It is so important that students are organized in school, and can keep track of their work. I myself have 5 binders, 4 i use for each class, and the 5th one i use as a general binder which i bring home and to every class. The one binder i bring to each class i keep the current unit of work from each class, paper, and notifications. I also keep a compact hole puncher in the general binder, so i can hole punch my work as soon as i get it, or else i may lose it. I date every single piece of paper i get,i have had too many bad experiences trying to organize my work the day before a test. My binder has a pouch on the inside which i keep papers that are too small to hole punch. I also keep sticky notes in my binder, so i can always find one. I have plastic tabs not paper because the plastic ones are better to reuse. All in all it is important that you have a binder that you like and want to keep organized, that is also durable.

Anxiety

I suffer from anxiety. Unlike most people i feel like i have been able to control my anxiety as i go through high school. I get a lot of anxiety over time, and especially about being late. I have a new attitude of school is not a life or death situation, if i hand an assignment in late nobody will die. I do not bet overly anxious over tests and quizzes anymore. I was hot mess by the end of my first year of high school, i got anxiety attacks on a nearly daily basis the summer before my second year. I attend therapy at the end of that summer, which really helped me. It helped me put everything in order, and think rationally about the things that i got anxiety about daily. For example i used to pack my bag the night before but in the morning i would check my bag obsessively, using checking to make sure i had my pencil case. Therapy helped me see that what was the possible thing that could happen if i forgot my pencil case, and was the possibly that i had forgot my pencil case. When i am anxious and on the verge of a panic attack, nobody should tell me to calm down, or tell me i am being irrational, they should just leave me alone. My personally i need to be alone, i NEED to have space to breath, i need to talk myself through it.

Why i do not just give up

     I work on a reward system for myself. School work takes me at least 3 times longer than regular people. When it comes to my school work i am a perfectionist, i want/ feel the need to prove myself to my teacher. I set myself rewards on a week and yearly basis. The rewards i have range from new pens to a new computer. I set a grade that i want to achieve and usually i do, because i know what i can do. When i moved house i found my rewards changed into things that i wanted for my room. My room is my heaven, that space where i can escape everything. My end goal is getting into a good university but on a day to day basis that does really motivate me so i also need short term rewards. I do have the thoughts of why don't i just stop school and work at mcdonalds but i know that that would not fulfil me. I think it is important that parent support there kids and carry through on rewards, parents have to do what they promise when it comes to rewards especially with younger kids, because than kids do not believe that they would be rewarded for there work. I try to be an example for other kids with learning issues, i feel i have got this far why should i give up now.

Computers

     I always have my computer with me at school. I use my computer for everything, she is my baby. I used to use a acer pc but it was too heavy, so i switched over to a Mac Book Air. I bought the 13 inch mac book air last august, and i am in love, still. I am aware how expensive they are, i bought my using my babysitting money, not my parents, but i believe they are worth every penny. For me i use my computer for taking notes in class, assignments, an everything else. I type all my assignments because my teachers cannot read my writing, so i always need to have my computer available to use. I love the battery life of my laptop, it lasts the entire day, i have never had to bring my charger to school with me. For me it was really important that i had my own computer that was always available for me to use, that i could customize for myself. I have full control of my computer, it is set up for me to use. I have Microsoft office and the apple apps, i also have all my important and current documents saved on my desktop. I do not worry about somebody closing one of my tabs or not saving one of my documents, i do not have to waste time looking for something that i had already done. I am so thankful that i have my computer, it was truly a lifesaver. 

Relaxing

During the school year i find it very hard to relax. I feel guilty when i am not doing school work, and stressed when i am doing school work. No matter what i will always have a test or assignment coming up, that i always find the need to be working on. There is always something i should be doing. The only time i am truly relaxed is during the 1st month of summer, by the 2nd month i am to stressed about school starting again. I think it is amazing that people can have a job while in school, i know that i could not do it. I spend all my time doing school work, my life is school. When i decide to watch TV because i did all of my chemistry homework i feel guilty, like i did not deserve to take a break. Even during march break and christmas i feel like i should be doing homework. I know that it is not rational to never take a break, but that is what i feel like. I feel the need to beat the odds and do the best in school as possible. 

Reading

I have a love hate relationship with reading. I love reading because it expands my vocabulary, and helps me feel involved. I hate reading because it takes me forever and makes me tired. I can read about 30 pages in 70 minutes, and thats if i do not fall asleep before than. When I complete a book I feel proud and i know i have done something. I enjoy being able to participate in conversations about books and know why people find certain books so interesting. I find it easiest and most enjoyable to read comedic books where you do not need to remember every single detail. I have loved reading John Greens books and the Adrian Mole series. During the summer i read 3 books, that is my new summer record. I pushed myself to read the great Gatsby for school which ended up taking me three weeks to finished, i read it on iBooks so i highlighted and made notes along the way. My parents have always wanted me to read more and would buy any book that I showed an interest in but after a long and hard day at school i never had the energy to read a book at night. I know how important it is that i read, and i am starting to read at least 4 nights a week, but many nights i am just to tired to try reading because it requires so much energy. I wish i could read faster and find it more enjoyable but i understand the more i read the easier it will become and the more enjoyable it will be. I tend to read pages multiple times when i am somewhat distracted or i know the page is somewhat important to the plot of the story. When i was younger i enjoyed reading fact books because i would learn something fast and their was usually a picture to explain the article. I am transitioning, i am trying to enjoy reading, i know how important it is, but it will take time to change old habits.   

The Resource Room

Great idea but does not play out well. In theory a resource room sounds great but in reality it kind of sucks. There is a bunch of people who all have different needs and all need help, everybody who has something wrong is sent up their. Because i have ADD i need a quite room which never really happens, their is too many distractions in the room. Their is usually only one teacher in the room and at times up to 25 students in the room. In my school are resource room has turned into a testing room with means their is usually very little room for kids who actually need to be in the room. I go to a school with over 1400 students and i believe we need to have more than one resource room. Their should be a separate testing room for students how do not have an IEP. I resource room for students with mild to moderate learning disabilities, i.e. ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, and kids low on the autism spectrum. Their should be a final room for students with severe disabilities, for the reason that these students can be distracting because they are very vocal and they usually need more one on one help. The resource room is for work to be done in a quiet environment, with little distractions. Students are sent up the resource room when they cannot focus in class, but the resource room has too may distractions and too many students. Schools NEED to have more qualified teachers to help students with learning disabilities to ensure that the resource room can serve its purpose. Their needs to be more computers available for students todo their work to ensure that students can get their work done on time. 

Technology

In my schools resource department i would be considered one of the most tech savvy. Which i do not agree with, i use my computer and iPad and no special assistive technology. I use Microsoft one note on my iPad and computer. I use this app to write notes in class and do my homework on, i love that this syncs up so i do not need to print everything. I have been using this app for nearly a year and i like it but i think it needs more advanced options. I would pay for upgrade for more options considering that the app is free. The app is simple to learn and easy to operate, i would suggest it for anybody that is looking for a app to take notes on. I also use the app FlipCards on my iPad to make flashcards. I love this app, i use it for recording all my definitions and to help me prepare for tests. I paid for the upgrade, and i have no regrets. With this app i cannot lose my flashcards or spell anything wrong, it helps keep me organized. I love the option it has to check off flashcards that you know, that you can change the colour, add pictures, and translate the language. In general i love how customizable this app is and how it helps keep me organized.  I an always open to suggestions for new apps, and i have tried many of them but when it comes to choosing an app that i use i am very picky. I have read about a multitude of different apps but once i start off the school year i need to stay with the same program, i do not need school to be any harder for me. Please leave suggestions of the apps you use.

High School

I am in high school, and I sometimes enjoy it. I am finding that high school is easier for me than elementary school. I do have to admit that school is my life, and it consumes most of my life, but that is the way that i want it. School is where i can excel and bet the odds, I have chosen to take all academic class so i can attend university. Many of the people i know are surprised when i tell them i am dyslexic and i have ADD, they make presumptions about how intelligent i am. When i go up to write exams in the resource room i am usually surround by boys, last year i was the only girl in my resource class of 8. This made me feel very isolated, but it also makes me want to do better. I was made fun of in my resource class because i tried, because i was actually using my time to do something. I was a keener because i had ambitions and goals, and did not want to waste my time texting. It is unfair that i was bullied because i was trying, but in the end i got 96% in that class and passed all my class that year which is not something that everybody did in that class. I know that these kids had many other struggles in their lives but it is not fair that we are grouped all together because we are the same. It can be very discouraging but lucky i have a good support system.

Hello

I have started this blog to record all the troubles and triumphs of a being a girl with many issues, from my dyslexia to anxiety. Be warned i am terrible at spelling and sometimes write in the wrong tense but please over looked that and look for the main message. I will address all the stupid questions i get asked and how to best answer. I am not normal, i have many issues, but i am proud of all of them.