Thesaurus are my life

     I can not spell, but i have a large vocabulary. So i constantly use a thesaurus to find out the spellings of word. I do this by using searching up the basic version of a word and finding the more complex version of the word. My spelling is like a ten years olds, when i used to do spelling test i would usually get 2 out 20. I lied to my parents in grade 6 telling them i didn't do spelling tests because i hated telling them how i did. Because i type it has actually made my spelling better, because when spell check do not know what i am saying i learn how to spell the word right. Even through reading is hard i try to do it as much as possible because i want to expand my vocabulary. I have got it on my IEP that my teachers can not mark me down for my spelling and so they just focus on the content. I used to be self conscious of my spelling but now i do not care, if i need help spelling anything i just ask who ever if closet to me. Teachers now that i am smart, that care about if i have the idea and know the content. Once upon a time i tried using a dictionary but that just took to much time, and was especially hard when i didn't now the first letter of the word. Please leave comments of the words you/ someone you know always has trouble spelling.

The hardest basic words for me are/were

where and were
their and there
are and our
how and who
know and now- still one of the hardest for me
anything that ends in ought and tion 
taught, though, and thought
and the day of the week

ps i usually do not use contractions because i am scared i will spell them wrong, i have only recently started using them, it also makes all my texts look really formal

Resource Room x2

      This week i had to write a test in the resource room, and it went terribly. I needed silence because i have ADD but throughout the entire time i was writing there was teachers and students talking. They need to have more than one resource room, they need three, but that will never happen. They need a room just for tests, another for school work, and a third one for more disabled students. They was a kid who had more serve disabilities the entire time he was shouting, it wasn't his fault that my school does not a have proper facilities. He wasn't aware of how loud he was, but me and the other kid with ADD in my class kept exchanging frustrated looks. He needed a room where he had one on one help. There was also kids where teachers were reteaching lessons to kids, who were not aware of how loud they where. So i type my tests so my teachers can read it, but the keyboards in my school suck, they are so clunky and make so much sound, everybody can hear what i am typing. The resource room is meant to make it easier to do work, but it would have been easier for me to write it in class. It already takes so much energy and time(on average 2.5 hours) just to write a test i shouldn't have to waste my energy and time on trying to block out all the sounds.  

Binders

      I know this might sound odd and boring but i think it is really important to have a nice binder. For me when i have a nice binder i am more inclined to use it. It is so important that students are organized in school, and can keep track of their work. I myself have 5 binders, 4 i use for each class, and the 5th one i use as a general binder which i bring home and to every class. The one binder i bring to each class i keep the current unit of work from each class, paper, and notifications. I also keep a compact hole puncher in the general binder, so i can hole punch my work as soon as i get it, or else i may lose it. I date every single piece of paper i get,i have had too many bad experiences trying to organize my work the day before a test. My binder has a pouch on the inside which i keep papers that are too small to hole punch. I also keep sticky notes in my binder, so i can always find one. I have plastic tabs not paper because the plastic ones are better to reuse. All in all it is important that you have a binder that you like and want to keep organized, that is also durable.

Anxiety

I suffer from anxiety. Unlike most people i feel like i have been able to control my anxiety as i go through high school. I get a lot of anxiety over time, and especially about being late. I have a new attitude of school is not a life or death situation, if i hand an assignment in late nobody will die. I do not bet overly anxious over tests and quizzes anymore. I was hot mess by the end of my first year of high school, i got anxiety attacks on a nearly daily basis the summer before my second year. I attend therapy at the end of that summer, which really helped me. It helped me put everything in order, and think rationally about the things that i got anxiety about daily. For example i used to pack my bag the night before but in the morning i would check my bag obsessively, using checking to make sure i had my pencil case. Therapy helped me see that what was the possible thing that could happen if i forgot my pencil case, and was the possibly that i had forgot my pencil case. When i am anxious and on the verge of a panic attack, nobody should tell me to calm down, or tell me i am being irrational, they should just leave me alone. My personally i need to be alone, i NEED to have space to breath, i need to talk myself through it.

Why i do not just give up

     I work on a reward system for myself. School work takes me at least 3 times longer than regular people. When it comes to my school work i am a perfectionist, i want/ feel the need to prove myself to my teacher. I set myself rewards on a week and yearly basis. The rewards i have range from new pens to a new computer. I set a grade that i want to achieve and usually i do, because i know what i can do. When i moved house i found my rewards changed into things that i wanted for my room. My room is my heaven, that space where i can escape everything. My end goal is getting into a good university but on a day to day basis that does really motivate me so i also need short term rewards. I do have the thoughts of why don't i just stop school and work at mcdonalds but i know that that would not fulfil me. I think it is important that parent support there kids and carry through on rewards, parents have to do what they promise when it comes to rewards especially with younger kids, because than kids do not believe that they would be rewarded for there work. I try to be an example for other kids with learning issues, i feel i have got this far why should i give up now.

Computers

     I always have my computer with me at school. I use my computer for everything, she is my baby. I used to use a acer pc but it was too heavy, so i switched over to a Mac Book Air. I bought the 13 inch mac book air last august, and i am in love, still. I am aware how expensive they are, i bought my using my babysitting money, not my parents, but i believe they are worth every penny. For me i use my computer for taking notes in class, assignments, an everything else. I type all my assignments because my teachers cannot read my writing, so i always need to have my computer available to use. I love the battery life of my laptop, it lasts the entire day, i have never had to bring my charger to school with me. For me it was really important that i had my own computer that was always available for me to use, that i could customize for myself. I have full control of my computer, it is set up for me to use. I have Microsoft office and the apple apps, i also have all my important and current documents saved on my desktop. I do not worry about somebody closing one of my tabs or not saving one of my documents, i do not have to waste time looking for something that i had already done. I am so thankful that i have my computer, it was truly a lifesaver. 

Relaxing

During the school year i find it very hard to relax. I feel guilty when i am not doing school work, and stressed when i am doing school work. No matter what i will always have a test or assignment coming up, that i always find the need to be working on. There is always something i should be doing. The only time i am truly relaxed is during the 1st month of summer, by the 2nd month i am to stressed about school starting again. I think it is amazing that people can have a job while in school, i know that i could not do it. I spend all my time doing school work, my life is school. When i decide to watch TV because i did all of my chemistry homework i feel guilty, like i did not deserve to take a break. Even during march break and christmas i feel like i should be doing homework. I know that it is not rational to never take a break, but that is what i feel like. I feel the need to beat the odds and do the best in school as possible.