Homeschooling?

  At the beginning of summer I wish that I am home schooled. Once school ends for the summer I realize how much stress and anxiety school causes me. I am so much happier when i do not have to go to school, and  deal with the pressures of grades and teachers everyday.  In the weeks leading up to the beginning of the school year I will have trouble sleeping and many of those nights I would cry myself to sleep. During this previous school year I read only 2 books outside of school curriculum, so far this summer I have already read 3. I enjoy reading but school takes so much of my energy that I cannot read for enjoyment. I am going into my last year of high, thank god, but then comes university. Back to homeschooling, during the summer I imagine how much easier home school would be, but my mother says no to homeschooling.

Notes

      Even though i have horrible handwriting i like handwriting my notes. I now can write as fast i can type, and type faster than when i am trying to make my writing readable. When i take notes during class i write down everything, i do not like to short form or only write down the important things. I hold my pen the wrong way which makes it difficult to write for long periods of time. When i was younger it would take me forever to colour a picture because my hand would hurt and blister if i was colouring for over 15 minutes. I type notes most of the time in english focused classes, and i write notes in math/ science focused classes. When possible i get carbon copy notes, where another student takes notes in class on paper that copy and gives the copy to the teacher and the teacher gives me the notes after class. The student that takes the notes is told that the notes are for the teachers use. When i do type my notes i will print them out in school, either before or after class. I prefer to have the paper version of my notes because i like to make side notes and highlight. 

Grades

     I currently am doing well in school, grade wise. I try very hard to keep all my averages above 80%. Despite how hard i try sometimes i fall below 80%. My grades matter a lot to me, probably unhealthy how much they affect me. I do well on multiple choice, short answer, and matching but i do not do as well on long/short answer. I no longer get anxious about test because i have come to realize that it does nothing to help me.  Therapy helped me realize that how much does that the test really do not matter that much and because i work hard i have less to worry about. When i think about it is sad how much my grades mean to me but that is only because school is the only thing i do.

More on Reading

     I am increasingly finding reading more frustrating as I get older. I know that the more i read the easier it should get, but i am finding it harder to read. I get frustrated because i read so slowly, i can read a page in 3 to 5 minutes. I can read about 5 pages before i need to take a break because i am frustrated that i have not read more in that amount of time. I can read a page in about 1 minute but that is just me reading the words, i would have no understanding of what i just read. I have to reread multiple times before i understand what i have read. Once i have reread i will have a immense understanding and be able to connect the dots to what i have already read, and think of things that others may not. I tend to over analysis what i have read and over think some things, but that lets me know i understand what i have read. I enjoy reading but it just takes so much work. I feel like i need a nap after i read, and i have to constantly change positions so i do not fall asleep. I have had many late nights trying to finish reading a book and waking up in the morning only have read 5 pages. I wish i could read better and i hope over time reading will get easier for me.