Homeschooling?

  At the beginning of summer I wish that I am home schooled. Once school ends for the summer I realize how much stress and anxiety school causes me. I am so much happier when i do not have to go to school, and  deal with the pressures of grades and teachers everyday.  In the weeks leading up to the beginning of the school year I will have trouble sleeping and many of those nights I would cry myself to sleep. During this previous school year I read only 2 books outside of school curriculum, so far this summer I have already read 3. I enjoy reading but school takes so much of my energy that I cannot read for enjoyment. I am going into my last year of high, thank god, but then comes university. Back to homeschooling, during the summer I imagine how much easier home school would be, but my mother says no to homeschooling.

Notes

      Even though i have horrible handwriting i like handwriting my notes. I now can write as fast i can type, and type faster than when i am trying to make my writing readable. When i take notes during class i write down everything, i do not like to short form or only write down the important things. I hold my pen the wrong way which makes it difficult to write for long periods of time. When i was younger it would take me forever to colour a picture because my hand would hurt and blister if i was colouring for over 15 minutes. I type notes most of the time in english focused classes, and i write notes in math/ science focused classes. When possible i get carbon copy notes, where another student takes notes in class on paper that copy and gives the copy to the teacher and the teacher gives me the notes after class. The student that takes the notes is told that the notes are for the teachers use. When i do type my notes i will print them out in school, either before or after class. I prefer to have the paper version of my notes because i like to make side notes and highlight. 

Grades

     I currently am doing well in school, grade wise. I try very hard to keep all my averages above 80%. Despite how hard i try sometimes i fall below 80%. My grades matter a lot to me, probably unhealthy how much they affect me. I do well on multiple choice, short answer, and matching but i do not do as well on long/short answer. I no longer get anxious about test because i have come to realize that it does nothing to help me.  Therapy helped me realize that how much does that the test really do not matter that much and because i work hard i have less to worry about. When i think about it is sad how much my grades mean to me but that is only because school is the only thing i do.

More on Reading

     I am increasingly finding reading more frustrating as I get older. I know that the more i read the easier it should get, but i am finding it harder to read. I get frustrated because i read so slowly, i can read a page in 3 to 5 minutes. I can read about 5 pages before i need to take a break because i am frustrated that i have not read more in that amount of time. I can read a page in about 1 minute but that is just me reading the words, i would have no understanding of what i just read. I have to reread multiple times before i understand what i have read. Once i have reread i will have a immense understanding and be able to connect the dots to what i have already read, and think of things that others may not. I tend to over analysis what i have read and over think some things, but that lets me know i understand what i have read. I enjoy reading but it just takes so much work. I feel like i need a nap after i read, and i have to constantly change positions so i do not fall asleep. I have had many late nights trying to finish reading a book and waking up in the morning only have read 5 pages. I wish i could read better and i hope over time reading will get easier for me. 

Homework

     I strongly dislike homework, as most teenagers do. If a teacher says the work should take 10 minutes, it will probably take me 30. I prefer having teachers that check my homework, because if you know your teacher if going to check your homework, you are way more likely to do it. For me with most of my teachers as long as i try the work, and have completed most of it that are ok if i do not complete it all. Currently in school because it nearly christmas break i have about 10 assignments due and 3 tests in the next week. Obviously i will be unable to complete all the work, and i will have to have some of tests arranged to be completed after christmas break. Thankfully all my teachers use there email and allow me to submit assessments that way. Back on subject, currently i am focusing on my major assignments because they are worth like 30% of my grade and not my everyday homework.  I wish i had enough time to do it all but it is impossible for me. When i started high school i stressed myself out every night to complete my homework and hand in my assignments on time. I didn't watch tv or listen to music at all because i did not have enough time to. That did not work, by the end of my first year i wanted to drop out or be home schooled. Now i cut myself off, i do not allow myself to do all nighters because i just end up sleeping in class and getting nothing done the next day. I do what i can do, and i always try to do as much as possible. I have come to the realization that i cannot do everything and thats okay and there is no point in destroying myself so i can hand in a assignment on time. 

The Stupid Things People Say

You are so luckily to have a class that you do homework in?
Well there is a reason i take that class, its not like i just take it for fun. I usually hate the people in the class, and they usually dislike me. I am usually the only one that works, while everybody else just comments about how much they smoke, and comment about why i am working and trying. I only take it because i have LEARNING DISABILITIES.

You are so luckily to get extra time?
Again there is a reason why i get extra time. It takes to longer to write or type. It takes me longer to read, plus i usually highlight while i am reading. I have horrific memory. It takes me longer to under stand what i have read. Every thing takes me longer, even with extra time i do not always have time to proof read my work, plus i can't proof read my work because i will probably not pick up my mistakes.

Dyslexia, so you just read things backwards?
Like really, it is better to say nothing. I usually just respond; well it is more than that, is different in every person, for me i have trouble reading, i am at like a 5th grade level, i suck at spelling, on a good day 3rd grade, and i can write but it takes me forever and nobody can understand what i wrote unless i type it.

ADD, what is that, or don't boys usually have it?
So i say that ADD is the same as ADHD just i am not as hyper. And i say that girls go undiagnosed with ADD/ADHD because many of them are not hyper, and do not act as boys do. I will also use the example of how i used to forget and lose focus when i was getting dressed and forget to put my pants on and when i went downstairs my mum would have to remind me to put pants on.

Why don't you read aloud in class?
Because i can barely read to myself, just kidding, not really. On the first day of class i make my teacher aware of my LD's and ask them not to pick me out to read. I have became very self conscious of my reading aloud over time, i have some speech issues.

These are just some of the many silly/ stupid questions i have been asked, in reference to my learning issues.

ADD

      I have ADD. One effect of this on me is i an always twitching my leg or trapping my fingers; when i am in a large group it is fun to look around the room at who else it twitching and guess weather they have ADD/ADHD. I am medicated for ADD, i have always chose to be medicated, my parents always let me decide what was best for me. Once i began taking medication my life changed, i started to get good grades, school work was so much easier todo and it did not take as much time. I am affected by the common side effect of a decreased appetite and some trouble sleeping( i have always had trouble sleeping, unable to fall asleep, waking up early). One thing is i am 2 different people; there is medicated and unmediated me, my friends can tell when i am medicated. Once i am medicated i have become very sensitive to sound, when i hear somebody chewing there food i makes me want to punch them(i am not a violent person) the medication can also make me irritable. When i am unmedicated i cannot focus, i become a lot more jittery, i am louder, and i am more social. For me there are more pros than cons with the any of the meds i have tried, and i believe you should give children with add/adhd the choice to be medicated, but not to always force them. In the beginning me and my parents decided that i should not be medicated on weekends or during the summer, and i started and stayed on a very small dosage that lasted through school and gave time to do my homework. Being able to focus in school gave me the ability to chose what i actually liked to do not just hate everything because i could not focus on it.